The Secret Love-Child Read online

  'What did you do?' she demanded to know, her eyes widening.

  His guilty face must have been very revealing.

  'Rafe, you didn't!'

  'Well, I...I...'

  'You did! You had sex with me without using anything. And you deliberately got me drunk so that I wouldn't notice.'

  'Well, I...I...' He'd turned into a bumbling idiot!

  'How dare you do something like that without my permission? How dare you think you had that right? What kind of man are you?' She jumped to her feet, her hands finding her hips as she glared down at him.

  Her ongoing outrage finally galvanised his brain, and his tongue. 'A man who's madly in love with you!' he roared back, propelling himself to his feet also. 'And I'd do it all over again. In fact, I intended to do it all over again, as often as I could get away with it. I even doctored a whole lot of condoms in readiness!'

  Her eyes became great blue pools.

  'I couldn't bear the thought of the woman I loved artificially inseminating her body with some stranger's child, when I wanted to give her my child. I was prepared to do anything, break every rule and cross every line, to do just that, and I don't mind admitting it. I love you, Isabel,' he claimed, grasping her shoulders, 'and I think you love me, only you're too scared to admit it, and you're too scared to trust me.

  'But you shouldn't be,' he pleaded, his hands curling even more firmly over her shoulders. 'I'm nothing like the other losers you've been involved with. A fool, maybe, up till now. But a fool no longer. Seeing Liz again on that island cured me of my foolishness by making me see I was heading for the same kind of future she's ended up with. Empty and shallow, without really loving anyone or being loved in return. I took one look at you that night and thought, this is what I want. This woman, as my wife and the mother of my children. I love you, Isabel. Tell me you love me, too.'

  Isabel searched his face, her own a tortured maze of mixed emotions. Shock. Confusion. Anguish. Maybe a measure of desperate hope in there somewhere.

  'Love is more than sex, Rafe.'

  'I know that.'

  'Do you? Do I? Sometimes the lines between lust and love can be very blurred. I've thought myself in love so many times before, and all I've ended up with is a broken heart. And broken dreams.'

  'I can understand your fear. I used to be afraid of love, too. But life without love is no life at all. Even your stupid bloody Luke found that out. Look, just tell me if you think you're in love with me.'

  She moaned her distress at having to admit such a thing.

  'All right,' Rafe said. 'You don't have to say it. I'll say it for both of us. We love each other. We've loved each other from the start. That's the truth of it and I won't let you deny it. But I also won't ask you to marry me. Not yet, anyway. All I'm asking is that you let me be a part of your life, and our baby's life, on a permanent basis.'

  Isabel could hardly think. Everything was going way too fast for her. 'I...we...we don't know if there is a baby yet. Not for sure, anyway.'

  'Then let's find out. Go see a doctor. We'll find one of those twenty-four hour-surgeries. There has to be one open somewhere around here.'

  'There's no need to do that. All we need is a chemist. And they're open till nine tonight.'

  'Let's go, then.'

  Rafe could feel the tension in her growing during the time it took to drive to a local mall, buy a pregnancy testing kit, then return. They read the instructions together, then Isabel retired to the bathroom to do what had to be done. In a couple of minutes she would confirm what he already knew. She was expecting his child.

  Rafe waited patiently, for the first few minutes, but when she hadn't come back downstairs after ten he marched halfway up the stairs and called out.

  'Isabel? What's taking so long?'

  She eventually appeared at the top of the stairs, pale-faced.

  Rafe melted with love and concern for her obvious distress. 'Oh, darling, there's no need to be upset. A baby is what you wanted most in the world after all.'

  'There's no baby,' she choked out. "The test was negative.' And she burst into tears.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  'OH, RAFE,' she sobbed, the tears spilling over and streaming down her face.

  Rafe brushed aside his own disappointment to leap up the remaining steps which separated them and pull her into his arms.

  'It's all right, darling,' he murmured as he pressed her shaking body to his. 'We'll make a baby for you next month. You'll see. There, there, sweetheart, don't cry so. You know what they say. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

  But nothing he could say would console her. She wept on and on, as though her very soul was shattered. In the end he didn't believe her pain was just because the test was negative. He believed it was caused by the buildup of all the disappointments in her life so far, culminating in this last most distressing disappointment.

  When she virtually collapsed in his arms, he picked her up and carried her to bed. He didn't bother to undress her, just pulled back the covers and tipped her gently onto the mattress. Though he did yank off her joggers before covering her up with the quilt.

  'Don't leave me,' she cried as he tucked her in.

  'I won't,' he promised. 'I'll just go make you a hot drink.'

  'No, no, I don't want a drink. I just want you. Hold me, Rafe. I feel safe when you hold me.'

  He sighed at the thought. How could he stop at just holding her? Yet, at the same time, how could he refuse her? She needed him. Not as a lover, but as a friend.

  Kicking off his own shoes, he climbed in beside her with the rest of his clothes on, hoping that would help. And it did. For a while. But, in the end, neither of them was content with such a platonic embrace. Yet it was Isabel who started the touching and the undressing, Isabel who decided she needed him as women had been needing the men they loved since the Garden of Eden.

  Rafe could not resist her overtures and, strangely, their lovemaking turned out totally different from anything they'd shared before. It was truly lovemaking. Soft. Slow. And so sweet.

  Nothing but the simplest of foreplay, just face-stroking and the most innocent of kisses. Rafe's hands were gentle on her breasts and hers caressing on his back. And when the yearning to become one overwhelmed them both they merely fused together, Rafe on top, Isabel gazing adoringly up at him. They took a long time in coming, but when they did it was with such feeling, waves of rapturous pleasure rippling through their bodies, bringing with them the most amazing peace and contentment.

  'I do love you,' she murmured as she lay in his arms afterwards.

  Rafe sighed and stroked her hair. 'Good.'

  'And I will many you,' she added. 'If you still want me to.'

  'Even better.'

  'But I don't want to wait till we're married before we try again for a baby. Can we try again next month, like you said?'

  'I'm putty in your hands, Isabel.'

  When she hugged him even more tightly, Rafe was startled to feel tears pricking at his eyes. But that was how much he loved her, and how much her loving him meant to him. At that moment, his cup indeed runneth over.

  He lay thinking about their future for a long time after she was fast asleep.

  * * * * *

  'I want you to come to lunch with my mother tomorrow,' he told her the following morning over breakfast. Isabel pushed her hair out of her face as she glanced up at him. 'Oh, dear. Do you think she'll like me?'

  'She's going to adore you.'

  'You really think so? Mothers worry me a bit. She's had you all to herself all these years. I'll bet you're the apple of her eye.'

  Rafe had to laugh. His mother had always found him a very difficult child. And an even more difficult teenager. He'd been one-eyed and extremely focused, determined to be a famous photographer, and even more determined never to be poor, as they'd been for many years after his father had died. At sixteen, he'd used money he'd saved from various after-school jobs to convert their single garage into a darkro
om, consigning his mother's car to the street.

  She'd been thrilled when he'd finally moved out of home. He believed the only reason she was fanatical about his getting married was because she was paranoid that one day fate would step in and he'd have to come home for some reason.

  'Trust me, Isabel,' he said. 'My mother is not one of those mothers. She has her own life, with her own friends, pleasures and pastimes. She just wants me settled and safely married because she doesn't want to worry about me any more. Of course, she would love a grandchild or two. I won't deny that. By the way, any sign of that missing period yet?'

  'No. I can't imagine where it is. I'm never late.'

  'You don't think that test could have been wrong, do you?'

  Isabel's stomach fluttered. She hadn't thought of that. 'I...I'm sure I followed the instructions correctly.'

  'Yes, but you're not all that late yet. How far along do you have to be for it to be a reliable test?'

  'It's supposed to work from two weeks.'

  'Yes, but you would have only been two weeks and a day at best: yesterday, Isabel. That's borderline. Perhaps we should buy another test and try again in a couple of days' time.'

  Isabel recoiled at the idea. She didn't want to build up her hopes only to have them dashed again. Her emotions had been such a mess last night after Rafe arrived and made all his most amazing confessions. She'd swung from distress to delight to despair, all in the space of an hour.

  She hadn't cried like that ever in her life, not even when she'd found out Hal had been a drug-dealer. Still, crying her heart out in Rafe's arms had been a deeply cleansing experience, and their lovemaking later had filled her with such hope and joy for the future that she didn't need to be pregnant now to make her happy. She was already happy just being with Rafe and knowing that he really loved her. They'd have a baby eventually. It had been silly of her to be so disappointed. And it would be silly to torture herself with another test. Better to just calmly wait for her period to arrive, then make plans for trying again during her next cycle.

  'No,' she said. 'I don't want to do that. I'm sure my period is going to arrive any minute now, provided I don't start stressing about it. I think that's the problem with it. Stress.'

  'I think you could be right. From now on, you are going to be relaxed and happy.'

  'Sounds wonderful. So what are we going to do today?'

  'I'm going to take you shopping for an engagement ring. That way, at lunch tomorrow, Mum will know I'm deadly serious about marrying you. Though it's going to cost me a pretty penny to top that rock you're still sporting on your left hand and which I presume Luke gave you.'

  Isabel frowned. 'You're not jealous of Luke, are you, Rafe?'

  'Well...'

  "There's no need to be. I didn't love him.'

  'Maybe, but you do have a lot of reminders of him around you. That ring, for starters. And this place. I don't mind the money he gave you but do you have to live in his house?'

  "This was never really Luke's house. I mean, nothing in it reflects him on a personal basis. He bought it already furnished. And he wasn't living here all that long. Still, I'm quite happy to move in with you, Rafe, if you like. Though a terrace is not really suitable for a family. What say we sell both places and buy another one? Together.'

  'Done.' Rafe smiled his satisfaction at that idea. 'Now, let's get dressed and go into the city for some serious ring-shopping.'

  * * * * *

  'Are you sure you can afford this?' Isabel asked Rafe later that morning, after she'd selected a gorgeous but expensive-looking diamond and emerald ring.

  'No trouble. I'll just go ring my bank manager for a second mortgage.'

  Isabel looked at him with alarm. 'I don't mind getting something cheaper.'

  Rafe smiled and kissed her. 'Don't be silly. I was only, joking. I can easily afford this ring, Isabel. I might not be a multi-millionaire but I have more than enough to support a wife and family. I am a very successful photographer and an astute investor, even if I say so myself. I'll tell your dad that when I officially ask for your hand in marriage tonight.'

  'When you what?'

  'As you once pointed out to me, Isabel, your parents come from a different generation. I want to get off on the right foot with your father as well as your mother.'

  'You'll get off on the right foot with my mother by just marrying me,' Isabel said drily.

  Rafe smiled. 'That's what I gathered when I told her I was going to do just that at the funeral a couple of weeks back.'

  Isabel was astonished, then amused. 'So that's what you did to make her like you! You are a mischievous and manipulative devil, Rafe Saint Vincent. But I love you all the same.'

  'You'd want to after costing me this much money.'

  'Don't worry,' she murmured, reaching up to kiss his cheek. 'If you ever run out, I have plenty.'

  'Huh. Now I'm not so sure I like Luke giving you all, that money, either. A man likes to be his family's provider, you know. He likes to be needed for more than just his body.'

  Isabel giggled and Rafe bristled. 'What's so funny?'

  'You are, going all primal male on me. Who would have believed it from the man who let me buy his body to do with as I willed for a whole fortnight?'

  'I did not!'

  'Oh, yes, you did. You didn't pay for a single thing on that jaunt to Dream Island.'

  'I did so, too.'

  'Name one.'

  'I paid for the condoms.'

  'Only half.'

  'The three dozen I bought should have been more than enough. How was I to know I was going way with a raving nymphomaniac?'

  They both realised all of a sudden that everyone in the jewellery shop had stopped what they were doing and were listening to their highly provocative bickering.

  Isabel blushed fiercely whilst Rafe laughed.

  'How embarrassing!' Isabel cried once they'd paid for the ring and fled outside. 'Lord knows what they thought of us.'

  'Probably that you're a rich bitch and I'm your gigolo lover.'

  Rafe loved it when she looked so mortified. She was such a delightful contradiction when it came to sex. So wildly uninhibited behind closed doors, but so easily embarrassed in public. Being with her was like being with a virgin and a vamp at the same time. It was a tantalising combination and one which he aimed to enjoy for the rest of their lives.

  'Let's get right away from here,' Isabel urged, grabbing his arm, 'before someone comes out of that shop.'

  Rafe found himself being dragged forcibly down the street. "That's better,' she said, stopping at last. 'Oh look, Rafe, a chemist. I think I will buy another of those tests.'

  'I thought you said you didn't want to.'

  'I know but I...I've changed my mind.'

  'Oh. Why's that?'

  'Well, just now I felt kind of funny in my breasts.'

  'What do you mean? Kind of funny?'

  'All tingly and tight around the nipples.'

  He gave her an amused glance. 'There are other explanations for that besides pregnancy, sweetness. You were just embarrassed by what happened in that shop. You find embarrassment a turn-on.'

  'I do not!' She was taken aback by such an idea, and even more embarrassed.

  'Yes, you do. But let's not fight about it in public. We'll pop in and buy another test, then go home; my place this time.' Thinking about her being turned on had turned Rafe on. He couldn't wait to get her behind closed doors again. He had a mind to photograph her as well. Afterwards. She always looked incredible afterwards. Relaxed and dreamy. He'd been wanting to capture that look with his camera for a long time. Not a nude shot. Just her face.

  But she dashed upstairs for the bathroom as soon as they arrived back at his place, taking that damned test with her. A disgruntled Rafe collected his favourite camera from the darkroom, but he already knew he was wasting his time. Her mood would change once the test came back negative again. He'd been foolish to suggest the first one might have been wrong. It had just s
eemed logical at the time. Now he wished he'd never opened his big mouth.

  Once again, she was gone ages. Lord, he hoped she wasn't up there crying again. Eventually he trudged up the stairs, not even bothering with the camera. He knew when he was beaten.

  'Isabel,' he said wearily as he knocked on the bathroom door, 'please let's not go through all this again.'

  The door opened and there she stood, and, yes, she was crying again, though not noisily. The tears were just running silently down her lovely cheeks.

  'I should never have let you buy that bloody thing,' he muttered, hating to see her in such distress. 'Isabel, there's no need to get all upset again.'

  Her smile startled him. So did the sudden sparkle in her soggy eyes.

  'You don't understand, darling,' she said. Tm not upset. I'm crying with happiness. The test was positive, Rafe. We're pregnant!'

  Rafe was to wonder later in his life exactly what he felt at that moment. Time and distance did fog the memory. But it had to go down as one of the great moments in his life. He'd put it on a par with their wedding day, just over a month later, even if he had been forced to tolerate Les taking a zillion photographs and both mothers hugging and kissing him all the time.

  Nothing, however, would ever eclipse the magic moment when his firstborn entered the world.

  Rafe would never forget the look in Isabel's eyes as she cradled her son to her breast, then looked up at him and said, 'I'd like to call him Michael, Rafe. After your father.'

  Oh, yes, that was the moment he would remember above all others.

  Perhaps because he was weeping at the time.